I like to challenge the localized thinking of individuals to make global change

Posts tagged ‘motivation’

Why I need to Retire My Cape

“It’s Handled has been my mantra long before Scandal and Pope and Associates became the latest and greatest television phenom and addiction.  Whenever someone close to me fell into a situation, I entered my virtual phone booth changed into my superhero cape and came to the rescue.  I wore the white hat.  I had a compelling need to right the wrong, straighten the crooked, and strengthen the weak.  Even if I didn’t have an immediate solution, I didn’t rest until every stone was turned and every option explored.  I was the FIXER!  And if it didn’t get solved or fixed it wasn’t due to lack of trying and commitment on my part.  Commitment on MY part….don’t let that one get by you.  You see the problem was, in most cases, I was the one who was committed to a solution.  And, unlike Olivia Pope, my “clients” didn’t come to me.  I made the decision that they needed fixing even when they didn’t think they were broken.  I decided what the problem was and thereby had control over what the solution should be.  I……are you noticing the trend here?!  It was a “me” project and not really about the other person.  I needed to fix someone else so I could feel whole.  I needed to be the problem-solver so I would feel important and accomplished.  I’m not saying the problems didn’t exist, I’m saying that they weren’t mine to solve.  I was the one who made it my personal business once someone simply confided in me about their struggles, needs, frustrations, wishes, desires, dreams, to make it happen.  Oh there were a few times when I was asked to intervene directly, but most of the time all I needed to see was the proverbial “Bat” sign in the sky and I came running.

So why retire my cape now?  Well, after many years of sleepless nights, restless days, tears that shouldn’t have been mine, and coming of age wisdom, I have realized that the many battles that I fought and lost where not mine to begin with.  Not only that, I was a rescuer in need of a rescue.  My emotional load had become so heavy that the weight of it all landed me in a personal black hole.  I cried out for help and silence was the answer.  I began to question why, with all that I did, failure was the continued result.  These became my failures.  I was counting them at night like sheep but they weren’t lulling me to sleep.  On the contrary, they were making me lose hair, gain weight, get angry because things just weren’t working out the way they were supposed to.  Why were people not following my script?!  Well, the answer to that became crystal clear one day when I sat back and realized that I had created the characters to perform in scenes that would produce a plot and tell a story but never asked anyone to read the script or audition for the parts.  This had become my very own Play, Movie, Sitcom, Drama, and Reality Show.  I was the only one who knew what was supposed to happen.  I was the Writer, Producer, Director, and Star of my own delusions.  I decided that once I became involved in the situation, everything would evolve into a happy ending.  Well, guess what?  When you work harder on someone else’s goals and dreams than they do, the result is never a happy ending.

So here I am with a completely different outlook.  One that makes me the Writer, Producer, Director, and Star of my own Reality.  An outlook that now gives me peace and helps me move forward from day to day.  This outlook has brightened my days and lightened my load.  I still own the cape and will never completely give up the white hat, but they are safely tucked away for a specific time and purpose.  That time when the need is real and the outcome is truth.  So if you don’t see me running to the rescue every time my “Spidey Sense” starts tingling, it’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I do care enough to stay out of the way of the real Super Heroes in life and be okay with it not being me.


Why so ANGRY!!

When I think of the words anger or angry I immediately attach a negative feeling to these words.  Why are people so angry?  What makes you angry?  Be careful, you might anger her! When the words are used in those instances, I feel that my negative attachment is justified.  People who are labeled as angry are usually thought of as abrupt, outraged, unreasonable, and intimidating.  That may be so in some cases, but then what about when someone is justifiably angry.  What about the anger that is shown when a child is abused or neglected?  What about the anger towards the big corporations for outsourcing jobs or mistreating employees while CEO’s continue to get huge paychecks and bonuses?  What about the anger over a young unarmed man being shot to death?  In these instances anger is not only a justified response, but a necessary one.  Sometimes anger is necessary to propel people to action.  Sometimes it’s necessary to hold someone accountable for wrongdoing.  There are times when anger is the motivation to move from one circumstance to another.  This last statement is what has inspired me to focus on my anger.  I have felt very angry regarding, what I felt were, injustices towards me by others.  I felt angry that someone had the power to effect my career with no thought of the repercussions that would still endure many years later.  I am angry that I have been accused of being distant and closed off, not letting people get too close, only to open up and get this nagging pain in my back from a sharp object.  I’m angry that no matter how hard I try, I seem to always be walking uphill.  I’m angry that I seem to speak quite loudly, but no one seems to hear what I’m saying.  I’m angry that I’m angry!  

The difference, I noticed, between being an angry person and feeling anger is the result.  Angry people look for vengeance.  Angry people are always finding the wrong in others without ever looking at themselves.  Angry people only find more things to be angry about.  Angry people never try to find a solution for their anger because it’s just the way they are.  They like being angry…they like the fact that people are afraid to approach them or afraid to say the wrong thing to them.  It makes them feel powerful.  The feeling of anger, on the other hand, doesn’t give one the feeling of power.  On the contrary, it makes you feel helpless, weak, at a loss, powerless to change the situation.  It makes situations feel enormous and overwhelming.  This anger stems from the injustice not from vengeance…this anger is the good anger.  When recognized for what it is, It makes people take a stand, it gives voice to victims and life to the down trodden.  That’s the anger that I will begin to use to fuel the fire of forward progress, to motivate me to move from my present situation to the purpose that God has called me to.  This anger that I feel now is like a defibrillator to a heart attack victim….it gives me the jolt that I need to write, to explore, to pursue, to dream, to master a task, and to prove that I am more than what others have perceived me to be.  I will be angry but do not fear because this anger will only grow into love, compassion, and faith.


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